mine yndlings (samlet ind over en måneds tid, dvs. før dette topic)
Kult Radio: So I was with this girl
Kult Radio: She said "Give me eight inches and make it hurt"
Kult Radio: So I fucked her twice and hit her in the head with a brick.
<T-Wolf> man, my girlfriend left me for some faggot named robert
<RdAwG20> you don't live in Hope mills do you?
<T-Wolf> ya, why man?
<RdAwG20> lol, just wondering, was her namne alisson?
<T-Wolf> you mother fucker
* Takeshi doesn't get the obsession with all the digits of pi
<rabid_si> It's like Mersienne Primes.
<rabid_si> Mathematicians get off on big numbers.
<Takeshi> Oh, so it's mathsturbation?
<eX|NYC> wtf my mom tells this lady to come over then she leaves 10 secs b4 she comes so im stuck here with this lady like uhh dude i dont know wtf she wont leave me alone let me play my computer games >_<
<PJ> its called a baby sitter.
<iMike> I am so horny, but matteo won't have sex with me anymore.
<matteo> That's because of you having that affair with that cow.
<iMike> Which cow? The big brown and white one? Or your mom?
<Macabre> dammit, y'know what? tday I was waiting for a cab, and the chick next to me was like, hey cutie. And I wink, then she looks down at my crotch,
smiles for abit, then smacks my face.
<Macabre> IN FROTN OF ALMSOT 500 FUKCING PEPLE!!
<Macabre> Y'know why?
<Macabre> BEcause I was holing my handphone in my right hand pocket, and it started vibrating because I got a call. I dunno about yous guys phones, but mine
vibrates like a pussy vibrator, ie really pwoerfully
<Macabre> she must have thought I was wacking to her or something.. :(
<brenty> Did you guys know there are boobs on the internet?
<IAMUNNOTICED> yeah
brenty> I just found out today.
<En1gma> brent, there is a fundementual flaw in that
<En1gma> you can't grope them!
<En1gma> *shakes head*
<En1gma> man..
<brenty> Like hell I can't!
<brenty> I can print them and put them on a stuffed animal, idiot.
<fubar> We have a town called "Gay Head, MA"
<fubar> There's a town in Wisconsin named Spread Eagle
<fubar> There's a town in South Carolina named Sugar Tit
<Jagfire> I like gay head better
<fubar> I'm sure you do
<Gallusik_psv> sory
<Gallusik_psv> for my english :P
<osiris> I envy you, I really do, I hate speaking 1 language
<Gallusik_psv> aha
<Gallusik_psv> what languages do you know??
<irq> so i was spanking-the-monkey for all it was worth and just about to cum
<irq> when my dad bangs on the door
<irq> i say "i'm comming"
<irq> and my dad says "that wont help you open the door"
<irq> now i am going to need theorpy for life!
<Mime> If you ejaculate on the moon, do you go flying backwards?
<KillaDawg> I don't want to move to Singapore with you. too humid
<PinkRydergurl> Well, you don't have to wear clothes..you can walk around naked like people in Africa..
<KillaDawg> Uhhhh, people in Africa have large penes, so they can comfortably walk around naked. I'm white; I'm not quite that well-endowed
<PinkRydergurl> Uhhhh, once again, we're talking about SINGAPORE, which is in ASIA....you're more "gifted" than you think you are...
(Mootar) morons.
(Mootar) these people who live in my apartment complex are connected to my wireless
(Mootar) they must think they're super-cool hackers by breaking into my completely unsecure network
(Mootar) unfortunatly, the connection works both ways
(Mootar) long story short, they now have loads of horse porn on their computer
<O.J.> Radio interview quote from Marine Corps General Reinwald and a female radio host. He wants to host some boy scouts at the training center for some practise excercises. As follows
<FEMALE INTERVIEWER>: So, General Reinwald, what things are you going to teach these young boys when they visit your base?
<GENERAL REINWALD>: We're going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery, and shooting.
<FEMALE INTERVIEWER>: Shooting! That's a bit irresponsible, isn't it?
<GENERAL REINWALD>: I don't see why, they'll be properly supervised on the rifle range.
<FEMALE INTERVIEWER>: Don't you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children?
<GENERAL REINWALD>: I don't see how. We will be teaching them proper rifle discipline before they even touch a firearm.
<FEMALE INTERVIEWER>: But you're equipping them to become violent killers.
<GENERAL REINWALD>: Well, you're equipped to be a prostitute, but you're not one, are you?
The radio went silent and the interview ended. You gotta love the Marines!
<Rentasmo> there was a gay guy at a support group I went to who brought a dog in a bag
<Rentasmo> we didn't know he had a dog till he let it out
<Capnplank> did he bring enough for everyone?
<MrConceited> He was gay, not korean
<Volt9000> WHY ARE THERE ALWAYS PUBES ALL OVER MY KEYBOARD?!
<FunG> you coughed?
<paroneayea> Oh man! Oh man! Oh man!
<paroneayea> I have to tell you people the funniest thing ever.
<paroneayea> This friend of mine, a theater major, walks into my room. "Do you have a printer I can borrow?" she says.
<paroneayea> "Yes," I say, "but it's an old LaserJet 4L. Is that alright?"
<paroneayea> "Should be," she responds.
<paroneayea> Then she hands me this paper. It's like normal paper, but thicker, and... not friendly.
<paroneayea> I ask what it is and she says "cardstock."
<paroneayea> I raise an eyebrow and say, "you do realize that there's no way in hell my printer is going to print on this paper."
<paroneayea> "Oh."
<paroneayea> "Well," she says, "could we print it on normal paper and somehow transfer it to the cardstock?"
<paroneayea> "What, like print it out and literally cut it up and glue it on there?"
<paroneayea> "No, like, if you printed it out and then stuck it in your scanner, maybe we could print it out again on the cardstock?"
<althalus> wtf
<paroneayea> She couldn't understand why I was laughing so hard
<Wilf> lol
<althalus> that needs to go up on bash.
<paroneayea> agreed
<FoXeh> The most dangerous thing in the world is a Second Lieutenant with a map and a compass
<FoXeh> Americans: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision.
<FoXeh> Canadians: Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.
<FoXeh> Americans: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.
<FoXeh> Canadians: No. I say again, you divert YOUR course.
<FoXeh> Americans: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS LINCOLN, THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES' ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH, THAT'S ONE FIVE DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTER MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.
<FoXeh> Canadians: This is a lighthouse. Your call.
<EtherMan> stoner chicks suck
<EtherMan> they're a waste of a perfectly good set of breasts.
<TOZTWO> I was kinda shy, and still am, so right after sex, I started getting dressed before she could turn on the lights......
<TOZTWO> Well, she turns the light on, and I have my clothes on already, and she can't find her undies.......
<TOZTWO> But she finds my undies next to the bed.
<TOZTWO> Guess whose undies I'm wearing
<StmChser> sex is like math
<StmChser> - the clothes, + the bed, / the legs, ...and pray to god you don't multiply.
(ravnos) im 'ol schoo'
(misfit_) just because you computer is 7 years old and you have a dialup doesnt make you oldschool :P
(@elusive_brob) XargoL
(@elusive_brob) I've got a hook-up-line for you
(+XargoL) oh?
(+XargoL) ;O
(@elusive_brob) "wanna play network? you're switch and i'm cable?"
(+XargoL) heh
(+XargoL) remember firewall
<StillAway> omg i got spam saying 'someone at work likes you'. they really dont target this shit well do they, I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB
<+phU|CrUM> i woke up to the sound of rain of the roof
<+phU|CrUM> layed in bed and listend to it for a couple of minutes then rememberd that i left my windows down in the car
<+BalefireX> that would have been funny to watch
<+phU|CrUM> what? me sprint out of bed, run outside half asleep, realize that i forgot my keys, slip in the mud and almost fall on my face turning around, get inside, grab my keys, sprint back outside and close my windows?
<+phU|CrUM> naw, that wouldnt have been funny to watch
<+BalefireX> you realize that your car would have been just as wet had you taken your time to get dressed and calmly walk out and do it?
<+phU|CrUM> you see, now i realize that... but when im half asleep im like 10x as dumb as i usually am
<+BalefireX> im amazed you remembered to breathe
<@Ryu> I remember when I was watching a porn on a tape I received from my friend, and I start wacking off to the lesbians on the TV... Then all of a sudden right when I was about to cum, the tape stopped and it was TeleTubbies on the TV instead. I cummed, and I cried.... i'm not joking.
<Navi> My mother (to brother): "If you get fat enough, you can't see your weenee."
<Navi> My brother (age 8): "BUT I CAN MAKE IT BIG!"
<Navi> I lost all hope, right there.
har desuden læst alle på thedump.dk (ja jeg keder mig meget) mine yndlings derfra:
Limit\Hawser> de siger at jeg studerer til cand. mirc
<@r0v> fuck jeg har haft en lorte dag
<@r0v> jeg kom godt stiv i skole, og så kom jeg til at gå ind på pige wc'et for at skide
<@r0v> det næste der sker er at jeg glemmer at låse døren
<@r0v> og mens jeg sidder og skider kommer der en pige og river døren op
<@r0v> men det der var mest nedtur var da jeg sidder mig ned igen lander min pik på brættet, og derefter går jeg igang med at pisse ned i min bukser :/
<[]Sweep> man må da sige at vores ISP gør det ordentligt.... de har garanteret stabilt net fra d. 1 februar..
* []Sweeper has quit IRC (Ping timeout)
< afrolem> Det gode ved Norge er at det ligger så langt væk fra mig.
<M0ffe> Hvis jeg "deaktiverer" det lydkort, vælger den det første. Latterligt.
<MrSlayer> Vold evt?
<M0ffe> Hvordan laver man vold på noget immaterielt som et stykke software?
<MrSlayer> Kører det under windows.
<Long|Gone> hvis man skal komme bag på sig selv, skal man enten være meget veludrustet eller meget smidig
<freakstar> mit største ønske er at dele en flaske whisky med johnny madsen
<@flinken> jeg har læst en artikel omkring hash og ecstasy der dræber hukommelsen men jeg har glemt hvor jeg fandt den?!?
(abE12) hvordan laver jeg min skrift farve om til rød??
(@Weezard) Skift farveblyant.
<@DaFDaF> jeg ku ha fået fisse idag
<@DaFDaF> :)
<@SiGNOUT> men du mødte ikke op til operationen?
khagruul Fuck mand...har haft en syret aften
khagruul Startede med at lave bål, så brændte vi en sofa og en opvaskemaskine, og endte med at se porno
<BraYkeR> Jeg har faktisk været i mange lande... .... Jeg har været på Mallorca
<Sqwiggi> lol så spørger min fætter mig på msn om hvor man finder subs til pr0n film
(@Pest) tsk. med chance for at blive stemplet som diverse ubehageligheder, vil jeg godt tilkendegive at god sex, for mig, indbære mere end en kontinuerlig bevægelse ind i en pige. Det handler også om hvem man er sammen med.
(merlinster) Pest det er det jeg kalder Minimum requirements
<snipling> Jeg skal i oevrigt hilse at sige, at man nemt kan foele sig enormt dum, naar man roder med en benzinfyldt karburator i et stykke tid, faar sine haender grundigt marineret i benzin, og man saa derefter forsoeger at taende en cigaret med en lighter.
<snipling> Jeg skal bruge noget nyt pandehaar og min haand goer lidt ondt.
(+Tias) Så er mit udstyr kommet xD
(@vrenak) er du ikke født med det da?
<PerJr> fuck hvor er Deep Impact utroværdig
<PerJr> præsidenten er neger
(MC^away) Hvordan shaver man sit røvskæg ?
(@Pest) Hah
(@Pest) der kommer 2 nye piger i klassen til næste skoleår
(@Pest) Den ene hedder "Steg" til efternavn så det tegner da godt
(Snigeren) nårh ja.. så lige det GRIMMESTE AF DET GRIMMESTE idag
(@G9) Din kæreste?
<@OkiA> kom til at ryste den og så skulle jeg have noget og så sprøjtede den lidt
<@ChilleR> well det slår fandme ik den gang på min efterskole hvor der var en fed dorit der ville hænge sig selv... så sagde min lære til hende... gå ud i skoven og hæng dig... hvis du kan finde en gren der er stor nok til at kunne holde dig
(Nirayana) fisse er godt, men sidder desværre fast på kvinder.
[ Katten ] Hvorfor kniker min seng når jeg vender mig?
[ @SC-Dog`Syg ] fordi du er fed ?
(ZippayN) Hmm
(ZippayN) Tænkte lige over
(ZippayN) Hvor meget er din iq på?
(FF|quizeR^) iq? :S
<react-> nogle der kender et sted på nettet hvor man kan købe tshirts hvor man selv kan bestemme hvad der skal stå på den?
<react-> sådan noget tryk?
<kringle> hmm ja
<kringle> har bare lige glemt hvad den hedder\
<Sloppy> react-, kan du ikke bare vente til sommer, så kan du gå i TIVOLI og få det gjort :D
<react-> Hehe nej sgu - skal bruge den til en jehovas vidner komsammenaften jeg skal til med et par venner her om en uge
<kringle> react-: er du jehova ?
<react-> nej det er jeg sgu ikke..
<react-> Vi har besluttet og melde os til, fordi det er gratis, og de giver buffet.. så vil jeg have en tshirt hvor der står 'BLODDONERER REDDER MENNESKELIV'
<react-> jeg skal bare prøve det.. de kan højest smide mig ud..
<DoZer2> Saying that Java is nice because it works on all OS's is like saying that anal sex is nice because it works on all genders
<@ChilleR> Kvinder bliver tatoveret, piercet, føder børn, plukker øjenbryn, vokser ben, får ansigt og bryster løftet.... og så siger de at de ikke kan li analsex fordi det gør ondt?!?!?
<khagruul> Hvis man har en toptrænet ringmuskel kan man måske gøre stor skade på en voldtægtsmands diller...
<BeBoo> Du er så clueless
<zaik0-> Hva betyder det?
<@sleepo> haha da jeg sku med bussen hjem fra østerbro, så stopper bussen og der stiger fire ik så gamle jallarødder ud og den ene taber sin telefon ligesom der kommer 4 cyklister
<@sleepo> den ene cyklist kørte hans telefon over så den ik virkede mer
<@sleepo> og kørte jo bare videre
<@sleepo> opdagede det vist ikek engang
<@sleepo> ham jallaungen han stod bare og råbte og skreg
<@sleepo> KØRTE DU MIN TELEFON OVER DIT SVIN
<@sleepo> KOM TILBAGE
<@sleepo> og han ku bare ik gøre en skid
<@sleepo> slap af jeg grinte
<@sleepo> det var fandme smukt mand
<Obivan^> nogen der har forstand på harman kardon dvd-afspillere?
<gnosis> google.dk har men han er ikke online lige nu..
<Obivan^> ok prøver igen senere
< SiGNOUT> jeg kan også hækle en faldskærm ud af sand
< _SID_> sand er for bøsser
< _SID_> mænd bruger grus
< SiGNOUT> Jeg ville nok mere mene at hækling var for bøsser, men det falder dig måske meget naturligt?
<damien> nej nej nej nej nej nej
<damien> hvorfor skal danskere tabere så meget?
<SONofSUN> ?
<damien> er det virkelig hele landet det er så galt med eller er det fordi samtlig tåber venter på damien tager en af sine (heldigvis sjældne) agorafobi fyldte udflugter ud i Real Life (tm)?
<damien> jeg er så på vej op ad gaden, da der kører en campingbus forbi mig
<damien> nu er camping i sig selv vel nok verdens lammeste beskæftigelse, men lige præcis campingbusser er altså endnu lavere på den stilistiske rangstige
<damien> anyway, den her campingbus er max 60'er/min søsters børn/"bilen kører nok hurtigere hvis den har vinger" stil, så plz to deduct yderligere point
<damien> bag rattet i den her sansekatastrofe møder vi så Grauballemandens forældre, som ud over grå stær også har en ide om at hele verden vil vide hvem de er
<damien> derfor har de i forruden placeret souvenier nummerplade fra en eller anden ussel campingplads i Himmerland påtrykt deres navne: Frits og Helga
<damien> plz to point me to the nearest tower...
<@Kopio> brEan, what happends after death
<@brEan> respawn
<vitek`8]> Har lige købt et brugt grafikkort, også kommer der nok de dummeste spørgsmål fra min familie. Min søster spurgte om der ikke kunne være virus på + at min mor spørger mig om, hvorfor jeg ikke bare downloadede et
<@^Miguel_> *Metallica and The San Francisco Symphony Orchestra - The Call of Ktulu*
<@^Miguel_> RIP Michael Kamen :((
<@Pozac> :(
<@Long|Gone> hvem?
<@Pozac> San Fransisco Symphony Orchestra
<@Pozac> dirigent eller noget
<@Long|Gone> aah
<@^Miguel_> Long|Gone, ham der komponerede symfoni siden af S&M
<@^Miguel_> Supergenial komponist..
<@Long|Gone> de lever også farligt ... omgiver af blæser, violiner og andre skarpe genstande
<freakstar> man er en svans hvis ik man har smagt sæd
<@Flems> hvad kaldes det når man samler på mærkelige ting som f.eks postkort ?
<@tHEhAM> idiot
<SONofSUN> whooohooo, man vader i nattens mulm og mørke på Shell for at købe smøger, scorer hende der ekspederer, og bliver inviteret i biografen af hende... hmm i must start to get out more
<heide> Lyder VILDT usselt
<heide> ....men jeg ville da gerne prøve det ;-)
<SONofSUN> max sød
<SONofSUN> max pattah™
<SONofSUN> hehe
<SONofSUN> ikke at det betyder noget
<heide> Nej nej, tasker er IKKE vigtige....mm-m, det er de ikke....nixen bixen.....
<heide> Hmmm.....stadig lidt snyd, vil jeg mene.
<SONofSUN> nemlig, tasker kommer i anden række...efter tasker...ehh, jeg mener...pis
<Aimmng> LOL min mor max stiv, så hun tog mig på pikken
<GlozE> hvad er forskellen mellem XP Engelsk og Dansk ? (Det er Pro. )
<r_dk\s1l> er der en der ved hvordan jeg kan skaffe en ip adresse til min ven så han kan komme på nettet. ??? please skriv til mig hvis du ved der ;>
<AndersT> en er mine venner er komme over og han har 2 mbit ADSL på sin computer så nu ska vi download film :P
<Gubbi\homework> hvor mange meter, går der til en diameter?
<glob\zkyGGeN> først så troede jeg at AFK stod for afklædt
<@reverse_> nu ryger den bare rundt alle steder
<@joffeeeh> ja
<@joffeeeh> lissom din mor
<@st0vbold> presperm smager slet ik så godt som rigtig sperm
<@ping-> DU ER SÅ FED, AT HVIS MAN PRINTER HELE USENET UD OG KLISTRER PÅ DIN KROP, SÅ VIL DER STADIG VÆRE SYNLIG HUD BAGEFTER!!!!!
<@jakabov> jeg sveder som en bebumset teenageknægt kaldt til samtale hos apg
<@ping-> screw you guys! im going homo
<@funken> en ædru fynbo - det er næsten værre end en pakistaner med atomvåben
<@Malestryx> jeg er omtrent lige så benhård som den gennemsnitlige polarforskers penis
<architect> stened, har lagt windows-græsplæne bagrunden på min mobil, nu crasher den 50% mere end normalt